If you’re like me, you may be suffering Hollywood vampire overload with recent projects like Twilight, True Blood and Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. Now, our Asian brethren have also gotten into the act. Just this month alone, we’ve seen the vampire-themed films Blood: The Last Vampire and Thirst (opening in select theaters tomorrow). So while vampire consciousness pervades our culture, this is a prime teachable moment and a good opportunity for me to once again offer practical advice that could save your life. This time–about what you should do in the event you are attacked by an Asian vampire.
All vampires share an insatiable lust for blood but beyond that, there are distinct differences between the Caucasian bloodsuckers and their Asian counterparts. And knowing what those differences are is key. You may have your crucifixes and garlic and think you’re ready for any vampire attack. Perhaps you’ve never even given thought to being attacked by an Asian vampire because you live in the good ole U.S.A. Well, that attitude can get you killed, my friend.
Ever since the U.S. amended the immigration laws in 1965, Asian vampires have been immigrating to America in record numbers. They could be lurking in that dark alley behind that Chinese restaurant you really like, just waiting for you to walk out so they can pounce all over you and suck out your sweet nectar of life.
It’s important to understand that the traditional methods we know for warding off or killing vampires are rooted in the Christian tradition. The crucifix, holy water, the rosary—these are all proven tools in the fight against the Nosferatus among us.
The problem is these symbols may prove useless against Asian vampires because Christianity does not have the roots in Asia that it does in Europe and America. But you might be thinking—what if it’s a Korean or Pilipino vampire? Since Christianity is so prevalent in those cultures, isn’t it likely that a vampire of either ethnicity would be susceptible to Christian-based weapons?
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